Surrender

I have become increasingly frustrated, mostly with myself, by the results of my attempts to train good habits into my kids. Peanut Butter's temper still flares up quickly, though it's easier to quench, and now that I've turned my attention to truthfulness, Christopher Robin and Peanut Butter have both been less truthful than ever. Most discouraging, though, is that the more I focus on trying to train my kids, the less of an example I am myself of self-control. Out of sorts, I display the opposite kind of behavior I'm looking for in my kids.

This morning I despondently opened to James 4, the chapter we're reading daily for our small group discussion next Wednesday. I reread the familiar words, feeling glum. God, what hope do I have? What is going wrong? How can I train my kids when I myself am such a failure?

James 4:6
"He gives us more and more strength to stand against such evil desires. As the Scriptures say, 'God sets himself against the proud, but he shows favor to the humble.'"

I repent. Even when my own behavior appalls me, I have an undercurrent of pride. At least I'm trying, and I'm probably doing better than most. Humble repentance. Even if that were true, which is doubtful, God sets himself against such thinking. What can I ever accomplish without God on my side? I look at my heroic, valiant efforts to change my kids, and I realize that I'm an ant pushing at a boulder. What hope do I have in a battle against my kids' sin natures? It's fighting against the essence of who they are. I can't even win against my own sin nature.

I repent. And ask for His supernatural aid. Only He can change them. Only He can change me. Only when I humbly repent and ask for His help, and stop feeling like I can do it myself.

My new plan of action is to take less action, and spend more time in prayer to the One who can move boulders with His breath.