Saturday, March 21, 2009

Spring Cleaning

March is maple syrup time, and the rest of life moves over to make room for it. When is the last time I cleaned the bathtub or the fridge? Had energy left at bedtime to keep my eyes open to read a few pages? Reviewed the alphabet with Peanut Butter or read Bob books with Christopher Robin?

I look at the crumbs layering the floor of my cupboards and the film of dust on all my light fixtures and the spots on my light gray carpet and a current of impatience flows through my bones and muscles. Why can't I keep this place clean?? The basement glowers and growls like a monster I can't bear to face, one too formidable to think of conquering. That area I have dreams of using next fall as a place for boys to run and play and build creations that don't have to be torn down immediately to make room for the next thing.

I have new dreams for April. Begin the garden, yes... peas, maybe carrots, spinach, onions, lettuce. But it will also be my spring cleaning month. Here's my inspiration. And the challenge of every project, every keep the passion and intensity tempered with patience and humility and flexibility. To not want the finished project more than anything, to make the passion wait for a few moments while I stop to offer hugs and kisses to a small boy's injured toe, to hold back stinging reprimands when sorted items are rearranged and wander off in the grip of a curious boy. I operate a great deal on momentum, and when the momentum is lost, I lose my steam, and a project may sit unfinished indefinitely. As the items piled together in the basement to be sold or given away attest. One day's intense sorting side by side with my hero got us that far. How to go further...the monster looms too fierce.

As these last days of March yield their buckets of sugar, I begin to dream and scheme for April.

No comments: