Thursday, July 24, 2008

a small choice

The morning has been rainy and gloomy, and myself feeling impatient and cranky. The morning was spent doing things, like making loaves of Amish Friendship Bread and dipping frozen bananas in chocolate and reading books to my boys, but not with purpose or intentionality. I'd resigned myself to a day without real direction or purpose, the wet air coming in from the downpours outside keeping my ambition dampened and lifeless. The boys fed and down for naps, I intended to curl up on the couch and take a nap also, after reading a little of Benjamin Franklin's Autobiography as I ate a frozen chocolate banana.

But then the sun came out. Blazing and strong. Shaming my lazy, self-indulgent intentions. I can't do things on rainy days like finish painting the deck or weeding the garden, but when the sun bursts forth and dries up my excuses, I have a choice. What will the rest of my day look like? My inclination is to follow my ready-made plan. Curl up on the couch and snooze in the warm breeze. Let the afternoon's whims dictate the last 6 hours of our day when the boys wake up from napping. Find ways to make myself happy and comfortable, or at least as uninconvenienced by the day's demands as possible.

But what if it matters? What if I choose the better way? What if I spend some time talking with my Father in heaven, submitting my unthankful spirit to Him, and enjoying the privilege of one-on-one time with the High King of All? What if this afternoon turns out to be a day in my life that really matters, not just another ordinary day that will be spent and forgotten. What if something happens today, and my reaction to it is based on the kind of day I've let myself have so far, and it really matters that I'm Spirit-filled, not full of self?

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence is not an act, but a habit." -Aristotle

It's hard, on the days when I've let my old selfish self have some say in how I spend my morning, to turn and make a better choice for the rest of the day. But every day really does matter, and the bad ones can be redeemed. So now I go to humble myself before the throne, to lay my nasty, griping spirit on the altar, and choose the joy and rightness and truth of God to influence the rest of my day.

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