Thursday, October 4, 2007

How Do I Decide?

3. When you have to make an important decision or choice, how do you make it? Do you make lists and think about it, weigh things logically? or do you go more by gut? Something else? A combination?

When I have an important decision or choice, like if and when to have a third child, I think about it a lot. I don't make lists, but I do try to think reasonably about the pros and cons.

In this decision a lot is based on my own opinion and feelings.

I grew up in a large family and loved it.
I don't feel like my two kids are "it".
Adding another would enrich our family, give it another dimension, add another personality, give Green Bean and Peanut Butter someone else to turn to when they're tired of each other.

BUT

Sometimes two boys feels like more than I can handle already.
My life is full and rich with the two extremes of personality I've already been given for sons.
My Hero feels like we've got enough on our plate as it is, though he still thinks he'd like one more eventually.

so when?

I keep feeling like having one two years after Peanut Butter would be ideal, since waiting another year or two after that would leave him/her behind, never quite old enough to do most of the things Green Bean and Peanut Butter are doing.
But I'm not in a rush to be pregnant again (because of the one final day of pregnancy that fills me with dread) or to have more chaos and needs and work added to my day.

That's kind of how I think through important choices. Mulling over pros and cons, giving my own opinions and feelings as much weight as other more rational considerations. My Hero pointed out that with a third child we'll have to come up with funds to finish a room in the basement, since Green Bean and Peanut Butter's room won't hold one more. But that really doesn't concern me. We have the space, even though it's not finished yet, and if nothing else we could put bunk beds in the boys' room and make it make do for a while longer (though their closet would NOT hold a third child's clothing.)

Ultimately I take all this and talk with my Father in heaven about it, glad that no matter how muddled or confused my and My Hero's thoughts and feelings are, these things are in His hands, and far more important than how many are part of our family is how we live this life He's given us. How much we include the One who created life.

Honestly, I'd prefer the days of yore, when the size of one's family was left more literally up to God to decide. I like that we can't chose the gender of our children, and I wish it was also just a case of accepting what I was given as a number of children without feeling responsible for deciding. I'd like that.

3 comments:

your gal pal said...

each one is precious. each one is a gift. each one adds more chaos and gray hairs...you know my approach - laissez-faire - when it happens it happens and it must be right. Of course, number four is the last Hubby thinks he wants...who knows? we do agree we want at least that many. Is it responsible to have more when we are already so strapped, so cozy in our apartment? Is it wrong to stop, when we want them? I certainly am relishing my body, slowly becoming mine again...

Sallie said...

I think God instills you with a bit more of patience and grace every time. Children are a blessing and I would say go with your gut and heart, not your mind. I had my tubes tied and I often regret it. I have prayed and asked God for another child and believe that He is a miracle worker and can do that in me.

God bless,
Sallie

Julie Pippert said...

What an awesome insight into your process of thinking things through and deciding. Even better to use deciding about children---something I see and hear so many people wrestle and worry about.

I like your perspective about knowing you can provide the necessities.

I know so many people who wait and worry about being able to give Things and The Best and reaching Perfect Time, and I wish I could say, oh my goodness that doesn't matter, not really.

But then again, our process of having children was and is so different and it makes it a little difficult to relate sometimes.

Great answer!

Julie
Using My Words