Struck Dead

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.

The story of Ananias and Sapphira is a shocking one. They lied and said the money they donated to the church was the whole amount from the field they sold, and God struck them dead. Everyone who heard about it was terrified.

It seems inconsistent. Most of us have told a half-truth or a lie sometime in our lives, and we're still here.

I wonder if this was an important part of the beginning of His Church. A lesson to all the believers, then and now, that God in all His grace still does not tolerate sin. A sharp example to us all of how God could react when we take his calling lightly and sink into self-service. It makes it easier to fear God, knowing that sometimes He chooses to mete out justice as soon as it's deserved.

We serve a God who hates sin and loves justice. That should make us tremble.

A Day in the Life of ...

5:00 Wake up to alarm. Scoop up Tuttles the kitty and hold as I make coffee. Sit on couch and read the last chapter of Matthew with Tuttles purring desperately in my lap. He was shut out of my bedroom last night because Green Bean was in my bed in the middle of the night with an earache, and Tuttles kept trying to lick him, and it really bothered Green Bean. So now Tuttles is desperate for human companionship.

5:25 Go into my bedroom to give Green Bean his milk to help him stop coughing. He complains about his ear again (his very first ear infection??) and wants to go back to his own bed. I carry him quietly into his bedroom so as not to wake Peanut Butter, and come back out to sit at the computer.

5:35 Begin a post that ends up taking almost an hour to complete. Blow past my 6:00 deadline, but Green Bean is still sleeping after the long sleepless night, so I let myself.

6:25 Make my bed, change into workout clothes, plug in the blue nightlight that tells Green Bean when he wakes up that it's okay to get up now. Turn on Dave Ramsey commercial free podcast to listen to while I excercise. Turn on workout video.

6:30 Decide it would be fun to chronicle my day, so pause the exercising to begin this post.

6:43 Resume workout, 43 minutes behind schedule.

6:50 Both boys wake up. Green Bean sits on the couch with his library books, and I give Peanut Butter some breakfast in his high chair. Excercising resumes.

7:25 I head to the shower while Green Bean plays his "Elmo Game" and Peanut Butter empties the bathroom cupboard drawers.

7:40 Clean and dressed, I grab a bowl of cereal and decide to make pumpkin muffins for breakfast / snack. Take Green Bean potty, change Peanut Butter's diaper, and get them both dressed.

8:10 Put muffins in the oven, empty the dishwasher with Peanut Butter's help. Yes, he's only 15 months. He stands on the door and hands me dishes from the shelves. "Herey'go!"

8:20 Put Peanut Butter down for nap #1.

8:50 Finish cleaning the kitchen and feeding muffins to Green Bean.

9:00 Clean the bathtub.

9:05 Choose clothes for work tonight for My Hero while bathtub cleaner does its work.

9:15 Get Peanut Butter up from his nap. Rinse bathtub and finish cleaning bathroom.

9:35 My Hero's home!! Listen to work stories, talk about things together as he eats breakfast, feed Peanut Butter some muffins, make up a batch of baby wipes, clean up breakfast/snack mess.

10:25 My Hero goes to bed. Begin a list of family birthdays and anniversaries for my new sister in law.

10:45 Get a call from my mom, wondering if I have any extra pumpkins...hers are all too frozen from being outside, and she wants to make a pumpkin pie with fresh pumpkin for Thanksgiving. Yes, yes I do! And I haven't done anything with them yet... She stops by a few minutes later and picks one that looks promising.

11:00 Read a few books to my boys.

11:15 Send some e-mails to gather information for my birthdays and anniversaries list I'm compiling.

11:30 Join the little boys in their bedroom and play and read books together.

12:00 Put both boys down for a nap. Try to decide if I should use this sunny day naptime for hauling dirt in a wheelbarrow to fill my retaining wall in front of our house or for cooking up pumpkin to freeze and use for pumpkin pie. I guess...it'll be hauling dirt. Who knows how many more tolerably warm sunny days I'll have before winter sets in and the ground is too frozen to dig dirt anymore. I'd love to get the walls filled in and some tulip bulbs planted before winter. Although it's already late for planting tulip bulbs.

12:07 Receive an e-mail from Charlie Lehardy informing me that he has linked to me on his blog. Sunshine bursts from the clouds and radiates my spirits. My humble ramblings honored with a link from his thoughtful, intelligent blog. Thank you.

12:10 I hear voices outside my window. I look out and see my dad and younger brother outside, nearing the front steps. It's one of my favorite things about living near family...unexpected visits. Dad is putting up the mailbox for my grandparents, who have a house newly built across the street from mine and plan on moving into it next Wednesday. He uses my phone to discuss with Mom just where he should put it. He talks about doing our gardens together next year, and about seed prices.

12:30 I head outside and haul dirt with my wheelbarrow to fill my retaining walls. I get more done than I expect to.

1:45 Boys wake up, and I hurry to put away the wheelbarrow and shovel, go inside and wash my hands, then give them lunch. Leftover casserole from last night's supper. It's one they both liked.

2:00 I get lunch for myself as the boys eat. Leftover chicken taco. Mmmm.

2:22 I decide to search the internet for how to cook pumpkin.

2:35 I think I'll try cooking pumpkin in the microwave and baking it in the oven, and see which method I like better.

3:30 I interrupt my pumpkin cooking to give a snack to the boys. I also get the playdough down from the cupboard for the boys to play with.

4:15 I interrupt my pumpkin cooking to put Peanut Butter down for nap #3.

4:25 I interrupt my pumpking cooking to make supper.

5:10 Green Bean and I go wake up My Hero.

5:30 Green Bean and My Hero go wake up Peanut Butter.

5:40 We all sit down to supper together.

6:10 I clean up the supper dishes while My Hero reads to us from Exodus. I bit off more than I should have with the pumpkin cooking. It's still in progress, and it has made a huge mess of my kitchen, and I don't have a lot of energy left. My Hero plays and has "rough time" with the boys while I clean the kitchen.

7:00 I finish cleaning up the kitchen and freezing the pumpkin. I take the garbage out and pick out clothes for the boys to wear to church tomorrow. Green Bean is outgrowing his 3T shirts, so I take down the 4T ones I've been buying and storing for such a time as this. It's easier to choose something to wear tomorrow from a new batch of shirts.

7:30 I empty the kitty litter box and give Tuttles fresh water.

7:45 My Hero says goodbye and leaves for work. I put Peanut Butter in his pajamas while Green Bean reads Green Eggs and Ham beside me. Green Bean begins One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish, and I read it with him. I put Green Bean in his pajamas, and get the toothbrushes.

8:00 After brushing teeth, I enlist the boys to speedily pick up their toys around the house. Green Bean cooperates; Peanut Butter climbs in a chair, rips several pages off of my magnetic notepad, and gets a measuring cup out of a drawer before I find him and stop the madness.

8:10 The house is (fairly) clean, the kids are in bed, and I'm exhausted. I update my birthdays and anniversaries list with the information my sister and my mom sent me in e-mails during the day. Just waiting for my brother to reply. It could be a while.

8:47 Time to relax. With some hot cider and a book. Goodnight.

Like Butter Over Too Much Bread

I found a new system for keeping the house clean. It comes directly from Rockin' Granola's description of how she keeps hers clean.

Becoming a member of the blogging world has exposed me to women I want to emulate as a wife, as a mother, as a homemaker, as a child of God. I could never have predicted I would be so challenged to change my habits or humble my heart.

I made my own list, to fit my own home, and for the last seven days have been trying to keep up with it. I've done fairly well, and I LOVE how clean all over the house is. My goal for at least a year has been to keep my house in consistent orderliness and cleanliness so that when someone stops by unexpectedly, I'm not embarrassed to let them in. I've been slowly gaining ground in the area of clutter, which has been my major focus. The house almost always looks good by the end of the day after the kids are in bed, but stop by in the middle of most days and you won't believe that it was clean just a few hours ago. Whenever we have friends or family over, we clean thoroughly, and we generally have people over at least once a week. Over the years that we've been married and had our own place, having guests over is what keeps us on top of the clutters and messes. Go a few weeks without inviting anyone to come, and the place would be, well, like my bedroom when I was a child.

I guess I'm growing up. The thing I kept running into as life with two little boys keeps me busier than ever, is that I wouldn't have time in the hour or two before people arrived, to clean everything that had been neglected. Dusting, cleaning the front of the refrigerator, washing the kitchen floor, washing the windows, the sticky kitchen chairs, the grimy build-up in the kitchen sink, etc. There's not always time to do all those things before guests arrive, and My Hero, who generally helps me during that hour or two before people arrive, doesn't see most of the things listed above as critical anyway, and urges me to forget about them.

That's why the list of daily cleaning is such a great idea. Breaking the tasks up into a few each day keeps the house generally clean, each area being cleaned at least once a week keeps things from getting really grimy.

But, and it's just the first week, so I'm sure I'll get faster, but when I spend the time to do the cleaning on my list every day, I don't have much time left for anything else. In my head I visualize myself flitting quickly around the kitchen with a wipe in my hand doing a once-over to the front of the microwave, dishwasher, fridge, oven in about three minutes. Reality sees me getting a wipe and starting on the fridge, only to be interupted by Green Bean who would like me to get his puzzle for him. I get the puzzle down and resume wiping when I notice Peanut Butter has found a permanent marker. I take the marker away and hear the dryer buzz, so I bring Peanut Butter with me to the dryer to help me take the laundry out and distract him from wailing about the marker. After I finish folding laundry the kids are hungry and it's snack time. I get them their snacks, then grab the wipe and resume wiping the fridge. Peanut Butter needs milk, so I open the fridge, grab his sippy cup, and bring it to him. Then pour a small cup of milk for Green Bean. By this time Peanut Butter is done his snack and standing in his high chair, so I wipe him down, let him run and play, clean his tray, then wipe Green Bean's hands and face, clean up Green Bean's snack mess, put everything away, and if I'm still thinking about it, go back to my three minute job.

I look at my list and wonder why it's so hard to get it done, then I think about what life with two small boys is really like.

And a clean house is only one of my goals, and not necessarily the most important one.

I make time to read to the boys every day, but I'd love to read more, and I want to make reading poetry to them part of our daily routine. It just hasn't fit in yet. Somehow.

I want to spend time daily doing learning things, weekly activities from Slow and Steady, Get Me Ready and more with learning numbers and letters with Green Bean, which this spring I was doing with him daily, but summer hit and schedules changed and it no longer happens. I want to homeschool these little guys, and I can't imagine how I'll ever stay on top of everything when I'm dedicating whole sections of my days to education!

I just wonder what I'm doing wrong. How I can be the homemaker I want to be and the mother I want to be without becoming burned out and completely discouraged. I don't want to spend these precious days with my little boys as a stressed out, busy with her own things mother. But I do want to be an example to them of self-discipline and doing my job well. And I do want to educate them as well as I possibly can. I guess all of life will probably a struggle for balance. A struggle to fill my days with the best of things, and trying to weed out time wasters that detract from our overall quality of life. A struggle to put Jesus first and in the midst of all my goals and aspirations, to be flexible enough to hear His voice and respond when He calls me to meet a need.

I guess if prioritizing was easy, everyone would do it.

Smell the Roses

My Hero and I were finishing up a movie together during our little boys' naptime yesterday, and before it was over the little guys woke up. Green Bean stumbled out and headed to My Hero's lap while Peanut Butter began wailing from the bedroom, stuck in his crib, unable to follow his big brother. I went to get him, lowering the crib railing and lifting him out, touching his soft warm wake-up cheeks to mine as I brought him back to sit with My Hero and Green Bean and I in our oversized chair to watch the last few minutes of our movie. As the credits scrolled down the screen and Green Bean and Peanut Butter soaked up the notes of music playing, I looked at them and realized...in a few years they won't fit as easily in our laps or snuggle down as willingly in our arms.

There are lots of times I wish these days away...look forward to when they can help with the dishes and dress themselves and even stay home by themselves for a few hours while My Hero and I have some ALONE time... But I'll long for these days sometimes, when they're past, and I'll look back and treasure the memories of warm wake-up cheeks and bright soft eyes and little ones who want most just to be with me.

a shoe box of promise

"Lord, when did we ever see you hungry, and feed you? Or thirsty and give you something to drink? Or a stranger and show you hospitality? Or naked and give you clothing?"... "I assure you, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!" Matthew 25:37-40

When I read those words the other morning, God kindled a flame of passion in my spirit, gave me a burning desire to feed and clothe Jesus by doing it for someone in need. But who? Where? When? I've been praying, and keeping my eyes wide open.

Yesterday my best friend described taking her daughter shopping for gifts to fill a shoe box for Operation Christmas Child, a project that sends shoe boxes of gifts to children who may never have received a gift before. The gifts are given and the truth about Christ's priceless gift to all of us is explained to them.

I'd love to help someone face to face, but this was a start. I explained to Green Bean that we were going shopping today, and that I'd like his help picking out toys for a little boy who doesn't have any. Green Bean liked that idea. His imagination was captured by the thought of a little boy who didn't have any toys in his closet. Shopping for the toys was fun, although Green Bean's choices were not exactly thoughtful or reasonable. "Would he like a bike, Mommy?" "No, sweetheart, we can't get him a bike. Remember, the gifts have to fit inside a shoebox." But when I gave him a choice between a plush puppy and a plush moose, he helped decide on the puppy. Which Peanut Butter then hugged and snuggled for a while in the cart, making the same noises he makes when he's mauling, I mean, snuggling our new kitty, Tuttles.

I wanted to fill the box full of as many truly fun, age appropriate toys as I could without going to a million stores and spending a lot of money. In the end I was proud of the selection we managed to fit in the box, and I kind of feel like an expert on what types of toys a 2-4 year old boy would like to find waiting inside.

Green Bean asked several times this evening if the boy was coming over. We explained to him as well as we could that the boy lives far away and the box will have to travel for a long time to reach him. We showed him the video from Operation Christmas Child's website, and he watched it twice. I think it gave him an idea of what it was about.

It feels like a gift to God Himself. It's certainly not the first time I've ever done anything "for God" or given anything to someone in need. It's just that this time, it all began from a pulsing desire to do something to show God that He's everything to me. That I understand that the gift He gave us of Himself on the cross is worth my everything...any sacrifice. And I feel like my life is terribly self-absorbed and self-serving. And I want to change. He calls me to change. To fail to do so, to fail to reach out and offer food to the hungry and comfort to the sick and lonely, is to call into question whether I've even heard His call at all.

This is a small step of faith. Because our Christmas gift money is carefully budgeted. Because all of our money is fully accounted for. I feel like we have so much, but it all has places to go already. I resist unplanned for giving because it doesn't fit, it isn't planned. But this time, I'll sacrifice something I wanted, or we'll scrape it from somewhere, because my priorities aren't in line with God's just yet, and they need to change.

I need some bread

"I should make some bread," I told myself several times yesterday. This morning, again, I planned it into my day. At some point I should make some bread, since I didn't buy any when I was shopping, and I'd love to make french toast for breakfast. Hours passed, windows were washed and screens taken down, sick toddler cuddled and snuggled, preschool boy guided through "writing exercises" he begged to do, vacuum cleaner was repaired, supper thoughts began to percolate. Pizza. We hadn't made pizza in weeks. I opened the breadmaker to begin the pizza dough, and was greeted by a still, cold loaf of bread sulking in the breakmaker bowl. Shocked, I foggily recalled following through with my "I should make some bread" prompts several days ago, to go along with the homemade chicken noodle soup I made for supper. Only I was gone for the evening when it finished, and My Hero must've just left it, not knowing exactly what it was for.

It's french toast for breakfast tomorrow.

a wedding

Settling into routine after two long trips away, back to back, two older brothers married, two brand new sisters in law, I'm full of happiness and contentment about the two celebrations, and grateful to be home with two months of not travelling in a car with two small boys stretching calmly before me.

The first was My Hero's older brother, the second my own older brother marrying his high school sweetheart. They'd lived separate lives for about ten years, then reconnected this summer.

In a way, I feel like he's returned from a long trip abroad. Synonymous with the return to his high school sweetheart was a return to the faith, a humbleness, a spoken desire to live God's way. For ten years I thought he didn't care much about our family. About me, or any of us. Now he's back, and intentionally spends time with us, seeks my dad's advice, brings his sweetheart around to let us know her. It's good. I've missed him.

My younger brother, the one who was born when I was almost 15, was a groomsman, and standing in his tux he looked like a man. He's thirteen, and he's taller than I am now. It's amazing to me watching him grow up.

My younger brother by two years was also a groomsman. He's a police officer in Denver, Colorado. He's the soft, gentle, loving boy with a heart of gold who became a tough, strong, smart man capable of protecting his family, wrestling down criminals, dealing with the scum of the streets. I can't quite put into words how much I admire him.

My youngest brother, the one born when I was away, a freshman in college, is ten. He was also involved in the wedding, passing out the orders of ceremony, escorting my grandparents to their seats. He's so much like my older brother that I keep wondering how similar their paths will be. He utterly refused to participate in the wedding of my younger sister four years ago, because he knew people would tell him how cute he was, and he couldn't tolerate the thought. My mom couldn't even bribe him to do it. This wedding he was glad to have a part in.

My whole family was together this past weekend...my parents and all seven of their children plus spouses. My sister and her husband from Chicago, my little sister from college in New York, my brother and sister in law from Colorado, together with those of us living in New England to celebrate the wedding of my brother who lives in Connecticut. Who knows how long it'll be before we're all together again.

It's a mystery, isn't it, how you can grow up so intimately entwined in each others' daily lives, then grow up and move away, and only intentional effort keeps you together, keeps you close. Otherwise, you become distant memories, separate worlds.